I’m not a wise person, so I can’t take credit for most of the pearls I live by. I am, however, smart enough to have remembered them when I found myself chewing on the rough side of my own foot or stuck in an awkward moment.
First, it never hurts to stockpile questions or responses in case you find yourself back-pedaling. I’ve been on the receiving end of an awkward question or two, so I have conversations in my head all the time to avoid it.
People ask me how old my grandson is; I reply, not uncurtly, “He’s my son and he’s 9.” Thus, when I see any adult and child together, I never presume to know their relationship and simply say “What a cute little boy/girl, you look happy together.”
My friend Tod gave me help on gift giving. I was struggling to find a gift to impress a new boyfriend. Tod said, “If you don’t know yet what is important to him, give him something important to you so he’ll think of you.” The boyfriend turned out to be a sociopath, but Tod is still my friend and his advice is still good.
Always go to funerals. People who never met my father came to his services out of respect for me and it is those people I recall vividly, 25 years later, because it was a warm surprise to see them. I sometimes ask a person who is grieving to tell me their favorite story about that person. Or what was your favorite thing about him/her? What did he/she love to do most? Bringing love and happiness to mind is a relief, even momentarily.
Moms, remember to get your hair wet. I recently mommy-shamed myself when joking with a friend that I love the pool, but never want to deal with the hassle of re-doing my hair. She recalled hearing her own son; “Don’t bother asking my mom, she won’t play because she wants to keep her hair dry,” she realized how many moments she had missed for the sake of a hair dryer. I suppose I can deal with the chlorine for the sake of my son remembering that I was fun sometimes.
I discovered something to explain nearly anything to my child when I have to say, ‘No.’ Now I just say, “I have three jobs; to keep you safe, healthy and happy. If you keep eating candy, it is not Healthy; you will feel sick and you will not be Happy.” “Yes, you have to hold my hand because it is not Safe to cross by yourself.” Nearly everything in the realm of discipline can be put into one of those buckets and even the youngest or simplest child can understand three things.
I had occasion to be friends with WWE champion John Layfield. He is also a finance guru who had a regular spot on Fox News and his pearl was profoundly helpful in my younger years. “When you get out of college, or any time, look around the home you grew up in and resolve NOT to go out and duplicate that in a hurry. Your parents took 30 years to earn that and you’ll just dive into debt if you try to do it any faster.”
Speaking of famous people, Chet Garner shared a pearl with me. It’s kind of awkward to introduce yourself to a famous person when you *clearly* know the celebrity’s name already. Chet says it’s still the polite thing to do because it allows famous people to let you know their preference. So where I might say, “Pleased to meet you, Sir Awesomeness!” The other person could respond, “No, it’s just Mr. Eastwood, or Clint.”
One thing I am proud to have taught myself is how to recognize, acknowledge and be grateful for the things I am *not* good at. Realizing that I am a Do-er and not a Decider saved me from banging my head against a wall throughout the second half of my life. When I was an EMT, I possibly, literally, saved lives by not being in charge or making decisions, and just performing important tasks as instructed.
Letting go of things I’m terrible at—not swimming upstream—was a huge relief. Connecting what I am good at has made me supremely confident in my ability—in the right time and space—to create, execute, and produce great things. I no longer waste time trying to be something I’m not. It’s quite liberating.
So, while my pearls will not make you rich, or necessarily happy, I hope maybe they help someone avoid a future random awkward moment. That’s a pretty nice reward too.