It’s Mother’s Day. The day mom gets breakfast in bed and flowers. Who am I kidding… all I really want is 60 minutes to myself and maybe an off-budget $7.50 to get a quarter pounder and french fries I won’t have to share after my offspring snarfs his fries in 42 seconds and is “Stiiiiiill hungryyyyy.”
I do love being a mom, of course. But it’s a lot of pressure. See, you may not know this yet, because everyone is busy fussing about the Zoomer-Boomer rivalry and how Millennials are starting to call themselves “old” (that sound you hear is my eyes rolling) but… the newest generation—born in the early 2010s—are called Alphas.
I happen to be in a very, very tiny minority of Gen-Xers who have Alpha children. This means I have unique Venn diagram of things I’m teaching and translating to my son, with very few intersections of things he actually needs to know.
I don’t imagine very many Millennials have ever told their Zoomer kids to “roll up” the window, “dial” or “hang up” the phone, or asked for a reminder to “tape” their favorite shows. I also get a really weird look when I say I want to “burn” a CD. My son is not old enough yet, but I am already wondering if I’ll ever have to teach him how to write a check. Don’t even get me started on mix tapes.
Funny to think of how long those things actually existed. The more technological things are, the shorter their life span. Humans wrote checks for a couple of centuries. Those that had them, “dialed” a phone for about 70 years.
Side note: As far as hanging up goes, there is absolutely no gratification in angrily pushing the END button like there was when you slammed a phone receiver into the cradle and enjoyed the resonating clang that followed you out of the room. Also, in sensory fun, wasn’t it equally satisfying to slap an actual book closed when you finished the last page… more so than gently sliding the button to “off” on a Kindle? Moving on…
Media fans used VCRs from 1956 until the mid-2000s, and burned CDs for about 15 years. At this rate, maybe we will get lucky and TikTok will be obsolete by 2025.
On the plus side, as a Gen-Xer, I am solidly and happily on the outside of much generational nitpicking. I think it’s hilarious that Zoomers tell Millennials their skinny jeans and side-parted hairdos are “old.” Those are the people who laughed at my slouch socks and turtlenecks, so they have it coming. I am unbelievably happy to sit back and proclaim, “I don’t care what anyone thinks of my mom-jeans, I still love Phil Collins, and yes, I have watched all 12 seasons of ‘Frasier’ many times, because it’s hilarious.”
Perhaps I have simply reached the age of “Warning” by Jenny Jones, and didn’t realize it. Some of her best lines…
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
…You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats
and things in boxes.
I read that poem, the first time, in 1982 and it felt impossibly far away, but I think I might have arrived there. From this side of 50, I have a good understanding of why my parents thought children of the 80s had lost their minds. I still love my scrunchies and Ferris Bueller, but I do wonder what we were thinking with those bangs.
Thankfully, Alpha Son is still too young to be embroiled in the generation conversation, so I have a few more years before he notices how lame I am. I can only imagine what kinds of things he will have to teach me when he realizes I’m obsolete. Meanwhile, I’m still on the phone trying to tell my mother, for the 100th time, how to cut, copy, and paste…. “No, you don’t TYPE c-o-n-t-r-o-l, you push the button with that word on it… never mind, I’ll be right there.”
Isn’t the Silent Generation (1928-45) adorable?
Happy Mother’s Day to all! XOXO