Many of us Boomers (and even the younger crowd) have reached, or will soon reach, a point where we become our parents’ caretakers. One of the most difficult, gut-wrenching situations occurs in this transition when it’s painfully obvious these super-seniors need to quit driving. Even broaching the subject can generate inter-generational anger.
Gina and I were fortunate in this regard, but it was more by happenstance than anything else. When Gina’s dad moved to assisted living, he quit using it on his own accord. My fiercely independent (and somewhat stubborn) mom finally decided to “only use the car in an emergency” when she reached her 90s. But, to our chagrin, “emergencies”, such as running out of ice cream or Cheetos, occurred on a regular basis. When mom moved to an assisted living facility, the car went away, as had happened with Gina’s dad.
Paying More to Drive Less
Gina’s and my decision was driven by economics. Our auto insurance took a significant (but still bearable) increase when I turned 70. However, when I turned 80 it nearly doubled, even though we were driving less than 1,000 miles per year, in a 2014 vehicle (that had less than 30,000 miles) and had no accidents or tickets in the last 30-plus years.
By this time we had moved to an independent living facility and begun to use their transportation system. Their multiple vehicles are equipped to handle mobility devices (walkers, rollators, wheelchairs, scooters, etc.); and their range includes all of Georgetown and the surrounding communities, as far south as Austin and north to Temple. All included in the rent, or at a very low charge for the longer distances.
So the car wasn’t being used very much, but it was presenting a horrendous expense, and there was an excellent personal transportation system immediately available. It was time to get rid of the car, and we did.
It’s all worked out well for us. In fact, it’s made life easier, less expensive, and gives us an experience to share with our children and grandchildren, because they’re already in the Amazon/Uber/Lyft world and love it. We probably could have, and should have, made the shift a few years ago.
But, as I noted in the opening, most of this was by chance, not part of any grand strategic plan. Things may not fall into place as easily for others as they did for us. If you’re in a situation where you need to have “The Talk” with your parents, here’s some suggestions on how to proceed.
First, appreciate that change is hard. The only people who like change are babies with wet diapers, and even then, not always. When faced with significant change, people routinely exaggerate prospective losses, and minimize potential gains. Giving up the keys is especially difficult because the car keys are a symbol of independence.
Given the importance of this conversation, and the likely sensitivity and resistance, it’s best to be fully prepared, and even rehearse. One possible outline would be to focus first on cost and added convenience, then on safety, and all the while emphasize maintaining their independence.
The cost factors are easy to outline. Among other things, having no car means having: (1) no auto insurance bill; (2) no more operational (gasoline) or maintenance expenses (oil, repairs, tires, etc.); and (3) no car payments or any need to get a new car when the current one needs to be replaced.
Next is convenience. Amazon sells everything you can think of and brings it to your door, sometimes the same day or overnight! Every grocery store in Georgetown delivers for a modest fee. Medications can be done by mail, or through pharmacy delivery. Nearly every restaurant has a home delivery option.
Mobility, Included
For those instances where you actually need to go in person (e.g., medical appointments), haven’t you always wanted a chauffeur? Now you can have several! Uber, Lyft, or even most independent living facilities, pick up at your door, take you directly to where you want to go and pick you up when you’re finished. The City of Georgetown even has a subsidized Uber program (see next page).
With a chauffeur there’s no need to fight traffic, find (or pay for) a parking place. There’s no risk of having an accident or getting a traffic ticket. You can even have wine at dinner and not have to worry about a DUI.
Finally, there’s safety; safety for them and for others. This is likely to be the most contentious part of the discussion unless a serious incident has already occurred (and hopefully it hasn’t). While safety might be the most important factor in this discussion, and may well be the stimulus for taking action, it may be prudent to make it the culminating aspect of the conversations, for emphasis if nothing else.
Most of the material I’ve read suggests any of the following circumstances warrant having and/or should be included in your talk:
Recent traffic incidents (e.g., minor bumps and scratches, traffic tickets).
- Complaints that other drivers honk at them, or are rude and speed around them.
- Expressed anxiety about night driving.
- A major change in health (decline in hearing/vision, disorientation, even a minor stroke, etc.).
- An increase in personal, non-driving incidents: falling, dropping things repeatedly, or being disoriented.
Preparing for “The Talk”
As I noted in the beginning, the situation with our parents more or less took care of itself. However, as we tried discussing it several times, using this outline; there was a lot of resistance and the only action was that they reduced their driving, until the point they moved to assisted living and the car “vanished”. So, don’t expect miracles, but keep at it if you’re convinced it’s necessary.
And if you’re a senior reading this and thinking “Well…there are some good points here…”, I suggest you be open minded, and maybe even encourage the conversation. After all, times have changed. When we were teenagers, chafing at the bit to get our driver licenses, there were few other options for exploring our new found freedom than having our own automobile. Now there are many more, and very good, options, don’t get locked in the past.
What I can add at the end is that my experience has convinced me that giving up the car is not a sacrifice, it’s a real step forward into a new world, using technology that offers the mobility we all cherish, often at a much lower cost, and without the frustrations of having to own or drive our own vehicle.
Best wishes as you — Go For It!
Steve Fought
Mobility Without the Burden
For transportation: Georgetown has a wonderful collaborative arrangement with Uber.
- Uber riders get up to 10 discounted rides per month for rides that start and end in the service area. Riders pay the first $4, and the City subsidizes up to $10 per ride. Riders pay any remaining balance over $14.
- Ztrip riders (wheelchair accessible vehicles) get unlimited rides in the service area and also pay the first $4 per trip.
- Rides that start and end in the service area are eligible for the discount. The service area includes the city limits of Georgetown plus Baylor Scott and White and Ascension Seton Williamson hospitals in Round Rock.
Scan the code for more information about rideGTX.
For some additional insights on “the talk”, The National Institute on Aging has a useful pamphlet on Older Drivers at this link.