↔The fact that I can’t recognize my girlfriends’ husbands unless they are standing right next to them tells me Superman knows exactly what he’s doing.
↔It’s sad that, in the past, I really only critically evaluated the validity of news articles on April Fool’s Day.
↔I have 2,800 songs in my iTunes library that I either paid for individually, or burned from CDs I purchased long ago. And I still shuffle through five or more tracks to get to one of, maybe… ten songs I was really hoping to hear.
↔Is it wrong that sometimes, on the first of the month, I think about leaving my ATM receipt in the machine because I’m so proud the balance has a comma in it?
↔It’s sad that having natural ingredients in food products is a selling point. It’s also sad that I don’t care.
↔When I was growing up, Christmas was the most highly anticipated, colossal event that ever happened. At my current age, it’s a deadline.
↔In 2020, when I think about 1984, it seems like a LOT less time has passed since then when, in 1984, I thought about 1948.
↔Along those lines, we are just a hair shy of being halfway between Pearl Harbor and the year 2100.
↔When I was in my 20s, I wore things I hoped would draw attention to me. At my current age, I kinda hope no one will notice so I can wear the same outfit again the next day.
↔If I were a phone, I would be the worst model ever; eight hours of charge for 16 hours of use.
↔Amazon and Fresh Fields have ruined any chance of me ever winning anything on The Price is Right.
↔ I always thought The Macarena was dumb, but just watch me try to remember which pocket I put my keys in.
↔I would be much happier if we could “fall back” for more like five hours this month and I could go to work at noon. For that matter, how about we move the clocks ahead an hour in the Spring around 4pm on a Friday?
↔All the modern communication in the world, and I still cannot convince my dogs that I will definitely be coming back.
↔In case I didn’t already feel old, McCauley “Home Alone” Caulkin is 40 this year, and the entire cast of “Saved By the Bell” is nearly 50.
↔When I was young, I always thought the best superpower would be “flight.” At my current age, it would just feel like exercise and I wouldn’t do it.
↔I think the next big reality show should be “Flat-Earthers: Looking for the Edge”. Then just enjoy watching them all lose their minds looking. I’ll even put up the prize money myself.
↔I grew up with 8-tracks and rotary phones and still think it’s cool to have a 64Gb computer in my pocket. Can you imagine what the world is going to have to invent to impress our kids?
↔Somewhere in the world, there are probably 100 strangers who have a picture of me on a roller coaster.
↔I have been through six Batmans in my life and all I can say about the next one is that, in my mind, Robert Pattinson will always be a teenage vampire. Then again, most vampires do turn into bats eventually, right?
↔We have amazing and fantastic conveniences and technology all over our homes. But laundry is still at least five chores in one.
↔Texas had it right the longest; a mode of transportation that would automatically avoid collisions, and take you home by itself, safely, if you were sleepy. (… as if I needed another reason to want a horse)