Recently, I have had occasion to reflect on many things we say that are completely normal. Then I laugh when I realize if I had said them at nearly any other time of my life, people would call me a lunatic then go’head’n lock me up, or at least think I was being extremely sarcastic.
Still, I do enjoy thinking about look on my face if someone had said some of these things to me a year ago.
- Toilet paper, pasta, AND soap? You must have been first in line.
- Here’s $10, go fill up your gas tank this month.
- No, I don’t think it’s excessive to have Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, Vudu, HBO Max, Disney+, Peacock, and Sling; do you?
- Hey, did you catch that 1985 Super Bowl the other night?
- Nah, you don’t really need to buy new socks / bras / razors / mascara any time soon.
- Matching shoes? I don’t even wear pants to work.
- My dog just lays there and looks at me when I take his leash off the peg and call his name.
- I really like Simon Cowell’s pajamas.
- My virtual church got hacked by a Zoom bomber.
- It’s your birthday today? What time is the parade?
- I found three cans of Clorox wipes on Ebay for $75. Score!
- Don’t forget to spray the pizza box.
- I don’t eat in public because if I get something stuck, ain’t nobody going to touch me to do the Heimlich.
- Remember when going out was fun and all you had to do to be safe was cover your drink?
- Wow, that was a fun visit; I really miss seeing my
mother-in-law. - Shower? Um… what day is it?
- I’ll have the broccoli; I can’t taste it anyway.
- Mne skuchno. (That’s Russian. I also learned to say “I’m bored” in Irish, German, and Finnish.)
- Remember the good old days when all we had to
worry about were terrorists and North Korea? - OMG, I’m really enjoying “Breaking Bad”. Have you heard of it?
- I’m so excited; I found a headband with buttons so I won’t have TMJ every night.
- Big day today, going to the grocery store.
- Do you like Conan’s living room better than Jimmy Fallon’s?
- I know it’s not Black Friday, but I have to be at Costco by 5am.
- Speaking of days, today is Blursday, the forty-teenth of Marprilajunly. Happy EasteCincoDeJuly!
- Why are people eating bats anyway?
- Yes Netflix, I am still watching. What are YOU doing to save the world?
- The weekend? Well, my windows are clean, and I stripped and re-stained that china cabinet taking up space in my garage for two years. Tomorrow I’m going to screen in the back porch.
- Did you hear there’s an election coming up?
- I wonder what color car I should buy my son’s teacher.
- Headed to the bank…better cover my face with this bandanna.
- Well, I don’t live in the Quarante province of France, so it’s more like “sparkling isolation.”
I already can’t wait to find out what kind of weird things I’m going to hear myself saying in 2021.